საინტერესო

ჰოროსკოპი დიეტაზე მყოფთათვის: როგორ იკლებენ ზედმეტ კილოგრამებს ზოდიაქოს ნიშნები

გსურს იცოდე, შეძლებ თუ არა გახდომას? მაშინ წაიკითხე ეს ჰოროსკოპი!

თხის რქა

თხის რქას შეუძლია იყოს მხოლოდ წყალსა და პურზე. ხმამაღლა განიკითხავს ყველა ღორმუცელას, იმიტომ, რომ არ შეიძლება ამდენი ჭამა! ქალბატონმა თხის რქამ იცის, რომ სასიცოცხლოდ მნიშვნელოვან საკვებს ცოტაოდენი ბრინჯი და ლიტრი წყალი წარმოადგენს, სხვა დანარჩენი უკვე ზედმეტია! ამის სჯერა შუაღამემდე, ღამის 2 საათზე კი უნებლიეთ აღმოაჩენს, რომ პირდაპირ ქვაბიდან მიირთმევს ბორშს. დილით თხის რქა თვითგვემას მიეცემა და სჯის საკუთარ თავს – ანუ დღეიდან არავითარი ბრინჯი! მხოლოდ წყალი! შედეგად, თხის რქა წონაში იკლებს… ნერვიულობის გამო.

მერწყული

მერწყული წონაში ტრადიციულად იკლებს. თავიდან ქალბატონი მერწყული მორალურად ემზადება. ძალიან, ძალიან დიდხანს. იმიტომ, რომ გახდომა აუცილებლად ორშაბათიდან უნდა დაიწყო, შთაგონება კი რატომღაც პარასკევს ეწვევა! მაგრამ ერთ მშვენიერ ორშაბათ დღეს მერწყული გაიღვიძებს და მიხვდება – აი ისიც!! და იწყებს წონაში კლებას. მერწყულს არც კი სჭირდება, ცდუნებას წინააღმდეგობა გაუწიოს, იმიტომ, რომ სწორედ ორშაბათ დილით უნათდება გონება – შოკოლადი შხამია, შაქარი – თეთრი სიკვდილი, პური – ნელი მოქმედების ბომბი, რომელიც მტრებმა შეუგდეს. როგორ შეიძლება ამ ყველაფრის ჭამა?! მაგრამ მერწყულს არ ესმის ეს ზუსტად პარასკევამდე. პარასკევს კი მერწყულს ახსენდება, როგორი მშვენიერია სამყარო, სადაც ლუდი, ჩიფსები და ნეკნები გამოიგონეს. ორშაბათს კი გაოგნებულია. ნეტავი რა იყო ეს?

თევზები

თევზებს სჯერა, რომ წონაში დაკლება მხოლოდ დიეტით არის შესაძლებელი, რადგან შტანგა – გოგონებისთვის არ არის. ამასთან, ის ერთდროულად 3 დიეტაზე ჯდება. დილით იგი შოკოლადის დიეტას ამჯობინებს, შუადღეს – დიუკანის დიეტას, საღამოს კი კარგად მიდის სისტემა “მინუს 60”, იმიტომ, რომ შეიძლება მშრალი წითელი ღვინის დალევა. და რაც ყველაზე საინტერესოა, თევზები ერთადერთი ნიშანია, რომელიც მართლა იკლებს წონაში, თანაც სწრაფად. ალბათ, ყველაფერი თევზების კარგად განვითარებული წარმოსახვის უნარის ბრალია: ქალბატონი თევზები საკუთარ თავს წარმოიდგენენ, როგორც ნაზსა და ნარნარს, მწარე რეალობას კი სხვა გზა არ დარჩენია და პოზიციებს თმობს. ამ ფენომენს სხვა ახსნა არ გააჩნია.

ვერძი

ვერძის მწყობრიდან გამოსაყვანი უტყუარი საშუალება – რაიმეს აკრძალვა გახლავთ. განრისხებული ვერძი კი საშიში სანახავია. ამიტომ იგი არასდროს იცავს დიეტას – ამას აზრი არ აქვს: ახლობლები იოგურტში მდნარ კარაქს ჩაუსხამენ, შვრიის ფაფაში ლორს ჩაუყრიან და ბალიშის ქვეშ კანფეტებს დაულაგებენ, რადგან მათ ჯერ სიცოცხლე არ მობეზრებიათ. ასე რომ, ვერძი არაფერზე ამბობს უარს, აი, სპორტს კი პატივს სცემს. მხოლოდ ჰანტელები, მხოლოდ ჰარდკორი! და რადგანაც ვერძი საკუთარ თავში ძალზე დარწმუნებულია, მაქსიმუმის აწევას ცდილობს. და იკლებს კიდეც… საავადმყოფოს პალატაში თხელ ფაფაზე… რადგან დაზიანებული ზურგი სახუმარო თემა არ არის.

კურო

ქალბატონი კურო ყოველთვის ისეთ დიეტას ირჩევს, სადაც ბევრი ჭამა შეიძლება. უგემური საჭმლის მიღებას კიდევ როგორმე გადაიტანს, აი, ცოტა ჭამას კი – ვერასოდეს! ამიტომაც კურო,

პირველ რიგში, ათეულობით კილოგრამ პროდუქტს ყუდულობს – კომბოსტოს, სტაფილოს, კიტრსა და ვაშლს, შემდეგ კი მელანქოლიურად ღეჭავს მთელი დღის განმავლობაში. მესამე დღეს კურო მიიჩნევს, რომ საკმარისად დაიტანჯა, ნიკოლოზის დროინდელ ჯინსებს ქექავს სკივრიდან და ცდილობს, ჩაუკვეხავში ჩაეკვეხოს. რა თქმა უნდა, ვერ ეკვეხება, რადგან ამდენი ბოსტნეულისა და ხილისგან მუცელი გაებერა. და აქ იწყება კუროს მძვინვარება: მიდის მაღაზიაში და მთელ ხელფასს ახალ იდეალურ შარვალზე ხარჯავს. იმავე ზომის, რაღა თქმა უნდა, რადგან ძველი შარვალი – ცუდი მოტივატორია, მთელი საქმე ამაშია, დიეტაში კი არა!

ტყუპი

ქალბატონი ტყუპი დიეტას მისიონერულ საქმეს უთავსებს. დიეტის მარტო დაცვა მოსაწყენია, ამიტომ პირველ რიგში, იგი თემატურ ფორუმზე მიემართება ან “ფეისბუქზე” მამოტივირებელ პოსტს წერს: “გასახდომი მარათონი ნომერ 100500! ვისაც ვუყვარვარ – მომყევით მე!”. და რადგანაც ტყუპი ბევრს უყვარს, დიდი რაოდენობით მიმდევარს პოულობს და იკრიბება გოგონების შთამბეჭდავი ჯგუფი, სადაც ისინი ერთმანეთს გამოცდილებებს უზიარებენ, მხარს უჭერენ და მიღწეული შედეგების ამსახველი ფოტოებით თავს იწონებენ. და, რა თქმა უნდა, იკლებენ წონაში. ტყუპები კი – ვერ! მას უკვე დაავიწყდა, რის გაკეთებას აპირებდა, წონაში დამკლებ საზოგადოებას სიბრალულით შესცქერის და უკვირს, როგორ არ დაიხოცნენ მოწყენილობით. გაგიჟება შეიძლება – 2 საათი დიეტების განხილვა, ეს ხომ წარმოუდგენელია!

კირჩხიბი

კირჩხიბს დიეტების არ სჯერა. იგი დარწმუნებულია, რომ წონაში დაკლება ერთხელ და სამუდამოდ მხოლოდ ერთი ხერხით – კვების პრინციპების შეცვლით არის შესაძლებელი. დიახ-დიახ, სამუდამოდ! სხვა არაფერი შველის, დიეტები კი სულელი გოგონებისთვის არის გამოგონილი. ამიტომ წონაში დამკლები კირჩხიბი ვეგეტარიანელი ხდება… ან უმი საკვების მიღების მიმდევარი. მთავარია, კვების იდეა, პირველ რიგში, სულიერი ღირებულებების საწყისს ეყრდნობოდეს და არა საკვების სწორი მონელების მოსაწყენ და უსიამოვნო ისტორიას. შემდეგ კირჩხიბი ქადაგებას იწყებს. დღეიდან ხომ მათი მისია ხალხში სინათლისა და სიკეთის თესვაა! ამასთან, კირჩხიბს არ სცალია საკუთარი კვების მისახედად. ამიტომაც იგი შოკოლადსა და ორცხობილას მიირთმევს. მაგრამ წონაში იკლებს, კი. ქადაგებას ხომ უდიდესი ენერგია მიაქვს!

ლომი

ლომი შთამბეჭდავად იკლებს წონაში. რაციონის შეზღუდვა და დილის გარბენი – ბებერი თაგვებისთვისაა, ლომი კი ასეთი არ არის. ლომი უკვეთავს ეგზოტიკური ხილის კალათას (ამბობენ, ეს ხილი ცხიმს წვავსო), ყიდულობს გასახდომ გაჯეტებს, ყველაზე ძვირიანი ფიტნეს-კლუბის აბონემენტს იღებს და სპორტული ფეხსაცმლის ბოლო მოდელს ყიდულობს. და აუცილებლად, აუცილებლად(!!) უნდა აიყვანოს პირადი მწვრთნელი. აი, აქ კი ჩიხში ექცევა: ვერა და ვერ გადაუწყვეტია, ლამაზი აირჩიოს თუ მისტერ ოლიმპი. შემდეგ კი ლომი, რა თქმა უნდა, სწრაფად იკლებს წონაში. რადგან ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ ფული მხოლოდ “ანაკომის” სუპისთვის რჩება.

ქალწული

ქალწული მეცნიერების თანახმად იკლებს წონაში. ამ სიტყვის პირდაპირი მნიშვნელობით: იგი ასწრებს სამედიცინო სასწავლებლის სტუდენტების დიეტოლოგიის კურსის და მომავალი მწვრთნელების ფიზკულტურის კურსის დაზეპირებას. შემდეგ ქალწული ადგენს საკუთარ იდეალურ რაციონს, იდეალურ სავარჯიშოებს და იწყებს გეგმის შესრულებას: წონის პროდუქტებს, ითვლის კალორიებს, ადგენს ვარჯიშების დღიურს. სამი დღის განმავლობაში. შემდეგ ქალწული სადმე წააწყდება სტატიას ინტუიციურ კვებაზე ან სიუჟეტს იოგის განმკურნავ თვისებებზე, ან ფილმს დიდ სპორტზე. მოკლედ, ქალწული ახალ სწავლებებზე გადაერთვება და წონაში იკლებს… რადგან საჭმლისთვის აღარ სცალია – უნდა ისწავლოს!

სასწორი

თუ ქალბატონი სასწორი წონაში იმატებს, იგი სასოწარკვეთილებაში ვარდება. ქონი – საშინლად ულამაზო რამ არის და რაც კი ულამაზოა – აუტანლად მტკივნეული. სასწორს ხომ მშვენიერების აღქმის უნარი კარგად აქვს განვითარებული. ამასთან, სასწორი ეჭვიანია: ეჩვენება, რომ მის ნაკეცებს ყველა ამჩნევს, ამიტომ ჯობია, გაეხვიოს პლედში და დაიმალოს, სანამ არ გახდება. ცხადია, სპორტულ დარბაზზე ლაპარაკიც ზედმეტია, სასწორი წონაში სახლში იკლებს. ყიდულობს სარბენ ბილიკს, ჰანტელებს, ხალიჩას იოგისთვის და შენაძენით 1 კვირის განმავლობაში ტკბება. სარბენ ბილიკს ხანდახან რთავს, ისიც მხოლოდ ძაღლის გასასეირნებლად.

მორიელი

მორიელს სწამს პრინციპისა: “დილით კექსი, შუადღეს კექსი და საღამოს სექსი. თუ არ გიშველის – გამოვრიცხოთ ცომეული”. საინტერესო კი ის არის, რომ ეს ნამდვილად შველის. ანუ მორიელს სჯერა, რომ გახდომის საუკეთესო საშუალება – ახალი საყვარლის გაჩენაა. თუ კარგი საყვარელი შეხვდა, მუცელში პეპლების კოლონია ისეთი სისწრაფით გამრავლდება, რომ მორიელს საჭმელი უბრალოდ არ ჩაეტევა. და თუკი ქალბატონი მორიელი გადაწყვეტს, რომ სასიყვარულო თავგადასავალი უდროოა, იგი ძალდაუტანებლად გახდება. რადგან ერთადერთი მიზეზი, რასაც მორიელი სიყვარულს შეუძლია მოსწყვიტოს – დალევის ხელოვნებაა.

მშვილდოსანი

მშვილდოსანმა იცის, რომ ცდუნების შეწინააღმდეგება დიდ ძალისხმევას მოითხოვს, ამიტომაც ქალბატონი მშვილდოსანი ცდუნებას თავს არიდებს, ამ სიტყვის პირდაპირი მნიშვნელობით: იღებს წიწიბურას შეკვრას, ერთ შეკვრა ორცხობილას, შავი შოკოლადის ფილას და მიდის მთაში… 3 კვირით… თუ სამსახური გამგზავრების საშუალებას არ იძლევა, იგი შინაგან მივლინებაში მიემგზავრება: არ დადის წვეულებებზე, არ სადილობს კოლეგებთან ერთად და სოციალურ ქსელებსაც კი არ რთავს. ეს მშვილდოსნისთვის არატიპური ქცევა იმდენად აშფოთებს ახლობლებს, რომ ისინი პანიკაში ვარდებიან, იწვევენ საგანგებო სხდომას და ასკვნიან, რომ მშვილდოსანი დეპრესიაში და სასწრაფოდ შველა სჭირდება. ყურადღების, მზრუნველობისა და შოკოლადის ტორტის სახით. აი, სწორედ აქ იწყებს მშვილდოსანი წონაში კლებას. რადგან მას გასახდომად სწორი განწყობა სჭირდება, სწორი განწყობის შექმნას კი, რაღა თქმა უნდა, მეგობრების შეკრება.

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